Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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