Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
