Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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