so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize