and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just found puke in my bra..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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