Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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