i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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