hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
