i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
