Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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