oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
