I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
