I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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