to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How does it feel to date your dad?
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