It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
