I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
