If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
