Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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