the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
