I accidentally had phone sex last night
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
