We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
