it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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