no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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