Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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