I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
