get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
