worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
