I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he thought i was a dude.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
