You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All the doctor said was why
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
