she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
ok first of all what the fuck
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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