I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
