now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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