So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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