My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
