He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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