3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
