If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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