perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He did a backflip because drugs
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
