The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it hurts more in the daytime
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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