ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
