please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
