we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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