and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
