I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
