Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
