my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
