i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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