Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
