really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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