omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
