peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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