My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
