areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
