When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
