He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
