And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
