final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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