Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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