Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
