A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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