I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
