what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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