She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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