I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize