i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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