so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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