There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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