no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
