cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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