never play flip cup with pint glasses
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
