OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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