did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
