He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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