I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
