My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
