i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
