It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
