there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
